Naked

So over the past few days I've been contacted by good friends, kinda friends and people I barely know about my words.  One friend called me after midnight, completely touched by a 5 sentence message I had left him to encourage him in a very scary time of his life.  He said he thought that perhaps I was a fairy and not quite of this world. 

Two other friends and one woman whom I've met and would like to know better, contacted me about writings I've posted saying that I've encouraged them or touched them or said that I've somehow managed to put in words exactly what they needed to hear.

I've also been recently doubted as perhaps finally snapping, gone crazy.  I've had others recently express bewilderment at my lack of propriety... that I just talk and love and live very big and open and nakedly.  They think I'm weird or too open to getting hurt. 

I sat down tonight to write, so pleased that anything I write could have touched anyone - either to inspire, make them think, make them disagree with me, take a step they hadn't thought of taking yet, etc. but then it turned into wondering in my journal.

What are we all so afraid of?  Why the walls?  Why is my way of loving my friends and reaching out to others so unusual?  Why can't we tell our friends, male or female, "I love you" - openly, nakedly, honestly... without doing this damn propriety dance?  Why can't we offer a hug?  Why should it be considered unusual to call a friend late at night, remembering they are about to embark on a scary step and say, "I'm so glad you didn't answer, because it means you're sleeping. I'm thinking of you.  I know you're scared, but you will be okay.  Sleep peacefully. You can do this.  I love you." (this is the simple message that touched my friend so and made him think he didn't deserve my friendship) Why can't you see a hurting co-worker and ask them if they need company for lunch?

I've been blessed recently to connect with some amazing souls.  And I say souls because that's where I see the connection.  I'm drawn to someone because of some light or music or originality or naked honesty to them that just makes me go "hmmmm... so curious about this one."  My friend Will told me I was a collector of lost souls.  I agree, but disagree.  I just think if we stopped dancing  around each other and playing games and engaging in small talk, we'd see that we're all a little lost.   Yet, we're not because life is supposed to be a journey and how can we be lost if there are so many roads we can take? We all need a little light.  We're all alone, together.

And shit, what is wrong with a little honesty?  What is wrong with saying, "Yep, I hurt today, I could totally use a hug."  What is wrong with being a bit messy or silly? 

I've always felt a little different.  A little out there.  I've been told a few times in my life that I'm a fairy, not of this world, weird, magical, crazy, need to grow up, need to protect myself better, etc.  I'm not going to concern myself with if those were insults or compliments.  I'm 40 now.  I'm making an attempt to find me.  It's not too late.  What the hell do I have to be afraid of anymore?  Loneliness?  Bring it on.  No one walks in my shoes anyway.

Naked
They stare
I am naked
Oh what to do with me
My mouth pours forth
My pen
offends
and delights in turn
I am impropriety
I speak my heart
they hide in whispers
Tuck beneath
A Shadow
they call reality
But I say
what they won't
oh what to do
with me
They want to clothe
my blunt demeanor
Hush
my liquid mouth
Maybe
I am not of this place
never was
Wander on
I am the mermaid
Or water sprite
they fear
drowning
Little do they know
Here you cannot drown
My sea
is a tender hand
a warm blanket
If only
they did not fear
naked words
open truth
Say it
And float with me