Struggling With Patience

I'm writing a new chapter in my life these days... but I realize I forgot to pack the most important thing.  Patience.  I lack patience with myself.  I've been told by some that I am infinitely patient with my kids because of the games/ideas/methods, etc. I continually employ to get the behavior I want and manage the day-to-day.

But for me?  Ugh, I lack patience.  I want to be THERE.  Done.  This journey I'm on to finally be who I think I can be... I'm forgetting the journey is the important part.  The destination is there no matter what.  But noooooo, I want to get from A to Z without the shit in the middle.  Only the shit in the middle is what builds the soul.  Builds character.  It's the piece I need to find the Mariska that's been dead so long, I sometimes think there aren't enough resuscitative measures out there to get her breathing.

I had planned on sitting down and reading some Tennyson and being asleep by 10:30 tonight.  Instead I danced.  And then I sat down, wanting to journal about patience and instead, this poured out of me.  I know there are some who think I've gone crazy... maybe they're right.  I'll find out as I walk this path.

Soul Rising

Soul rising

Impatient am I 

with her

I pull and yank

Cry and cajole

But time, 

her lover,

reminds me

Souls rising need patience

not pushing

Need love

not selfish desire

Soul rising

I want her done

Strong and luminous

Hands on hips

Feet on mountaintops

Sun shining 

in her hair

Time, again time,

reminds me...

"wait," he whispers,

She is worth it